Dude, I don't think I'll ever be able to find a girl for me...
Is this the gay conversation?
It made me feel like I need a reality show of my life so I could go back and watch the episodes to figure out how I got from the trunk of the car to my neighbors tree house...
I can tell how much and what I drank by my morning shits
this stripper weighs a pound. I feel like I should tip her in food.
Breakfast=the leftover margarita in my car. Have a great day.
She kept sniffing my sweater and tried to guess what type of detergent I use.
I woke up in a hospital at three in the morning only to realize my pee is now going to be orange. I've grown to realize I've made all the right decisions
Yesterday I dumped him, went out for my birthday, hooked up with someone else, and today he still fed my cat. Living with your ex ain't so bad . . .
This guy at the airport was telling me 3/4 dudes in his group got rufied at some strip club. One guy woke up in the hospital, another found himself in a random parking garage, the other got back to the room and they all shit their pants. Go Vegas.
Where are you in relation to the mariatchi band?
That moment when your fucking in an airport bathroom and forget to lock the door. That poor man...scarred forever...
My penis is saying yes, several less important organs are saying noo...
That awkward moment when your boyfriend tries to have sex with his go pro on #hdporn
you never know when your going to find a surprise from me in your bed...it keeps you on your toes.
I STUDIED GEOGRAPHY I KNOW THIS SHIT!! DON'T YOU DARE QUESTION MY AUTHORITY ON GLACIAL DEPOSITION AGAIN BITCH!!
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