she's got a whisker from her dead cat taped to the wall. I'm pretty sure that about sums it up...
You kno how some people just need a "everything will be alright" pat on the back? I need an "everything will be alright" blowjob right now. Come over
Talked to Nate, told him he was a douche. Will give details when sober. It's ok. You're my best friend together a wolf pack. Olive juice.
Nooo, I ran into two if my exes, both having their engagement parties at the bar. It was like a fucking Eskimo family reunion, but with more tequila.
I probably won't go. Last time I got drunk with those guys I just started demanding people let me touch their beards.Then I mocked everyone who didn't have facial hair.
Just had my very first high conversation with mom
And you survived it! I'd say that earns you a "Blaze It Like a Real Adult" from the Grown-up Girl Scouts
That was the second worst thing to happen to my asshole.
Excuse me while I gouge out my eyes.
In which case my work here is done.
It was great. He never spoke.
That's not why it was great, just that's all I remember.
I may have interrupted sex but im bringing them both to McDonalds. Am I not the greatest older sister ever?
I continue to impress myself. Also I'm probably pregnant
Unexpected pussy is the best kind. Never expected to get any from a stranger at my little brother's bar mitzvah.
Mazeltov!
I rewired his car so that every time he hits the gas the horn and the OnStar turn on every time he hits the brake the panic alarm goes off.
Best part though was when he wanted to cuddle and I was like, I'm going to go.
You know he wants it bad when he starts going door to door for condoms.
Randomize
