If you could channel this insane talent for stalking you'd be a great weapon for this country. If you had a crush on Bin Ladin, guaranteed he'd be found, monitered and tagged within five days.
I can't sleep so instead I'm thinking of all the things I would love to do to you right now
That's weird, I usually just count sheep
So when does "going out for one drink" = giving some guy an HJ on the sidewalk?!?
Let's roleplay tonight. I'll be drunken diva and you be sexy sober.
IF that's your way of making me dd then count me out.
Just hit on a fat chick so shed buy me a drink. Then i walked away. Nice to see how the other half lives.
she said she was living bicuriously through me.
Wheres my "thanks for using birth control effectively and not contributing to the downfall of society" card.
wait, how does the 20 year old one night stand pregnant girl have a superiority complex?
Clearly the ONLY reason why you were voted employee of the month is because of your upside-down beer funneling skills.
but they dont look like handprints. looks like someone had a boxing match with my tits and my tits lost
I really have to stop having sex with people I sell drugs to...it feels unprofessional
I can't feel the bottom half of my face but i feel like our sex would be amazing
We took vodka shots. You kept saying it was the key to your heart.
I never thought I'd be on my couch watching Star Trek, getting my tits rubbed while crying.
Shame is for Republicans.
Randomize
