So I went home with some chick last night... I'm not sue what's worse: not getting a nut at 5am, the condom breaking and not being replaced, feeling poo when I put my finger in her but, sleeping on a heroin mattress in her living room, her swine flu coughing fit at 7am or realizing she peed the matt at 10am. Actually it was probably the fact that she continuously told me she was the classiest girl in boulder.
you haven't felt a hangover until you wake up after a night of snorting tequila.
It's like a mixture of two words
"town" and "Im too drunk to spell right now"
i can't find my house
we droppd you off right in front! i even walked you to the steps less then 3 mins ago.
i'm pretty sure my house moved.
Just threw up in nordstroms while shopping for moms bday with dad. He distracted workers for me. No more tequila
She is feeding us popcorn out of her bra
Dude, this guy showed up with a 40 and stayed for two days. I want that lack of responsibility
His reasoning for leaving the keys in the ignition of my car overnight with the top down in an open parking lot ? Too eager to have sex. The sex was not that good for him to do this twice....
Mom just referred to a 9 year old as "this bitch", so I'd say day drinking was a success.
There's a whistle here and I just want to play my whistle song on it.
Pssh I just bang a girl in a single person tent. Thats like the back seat of a sedan.
He was so fat that he broke two of my ribs
Maybe it's time to stop screaming I'm a chubby chaser every time you enter a drinking establishment
So apparently it wasn't anything really bad, it's hemorrhoids. Which is the medical word for butthurt. I actually have ass ointment.
Had to take him to the ER for not only alcohol poisoning but for stepping on a firecracker. Happy 4th holy fuck
Vodka, MiraLAX and Gatorade are perfect for the night before a colonoscopy
Randomize
