I went out, and slept with my sunglasses on
that drag queen yelled at him and touched me to make him jealous and said things like this is what a real man feels like. it was a thrill.
Are you pooping in the stall next to me?
Maybe....
Cause I just heard a fart and it sounded like one of your farts.
The doctor told me if I woke up with a broken foot and don't know how it happened, I might want to look into getting treatment.
lets just use each other and get past this awkward stage. forget my name.
All I got from that conversation with the officer was "blah blah blah, you're disgusting, blah blah blah, $500 fine, blah blah blah, be in court Tuesday."
we convincced her parents we were only wasted meanwhile theire faces were morphing into one and i swear there was a reindeer in the background
Everyone looked at me like I just fucked a gopher and was wearing it like a hat
I like how my motivation to lose weight is so I can wear a nude bikini and get covered in body paint for the tribal party. Priorities.
Do you think blood ever gets sick of carrying all these drugs around?
Like, there are so many different things we make it do, and it just wants to settle down and be a one-drug fluid?
Stop reading WebMD high.
Man, you got so high you own goaled yourself in FIFA then got up celebrating.
I'm debating a nap but also debating breaking into the liquor cabinet
Yes but I said "let's get a dog" not a drunk human so some rules will be established this evening
I made a separate snapchat account so I could swap nudes with a guy from omegle.
Why do all of your bad decisions sound like fucked up mad libs?
Every day I wake up and there is no spectacular morning wood waiting for me I get so sad.
Randomize
