I'm totally gay for Miss Californiaaaaaa
oh sweet, sweet irony
Baconater + red wine = first meal of the day
There's an Captain Planet marathon because of Earth Day. I can't NOT turn this into a drinking game.
you're the only person i know to use "jizz" and "cute" in the same sentence.
she insisted that i refer to her boobs by name.
i was thoroughly upset that he did not want to be my number 16, who passes that number up?
He woke me up at 4am just to lick my nipple. Then he talked in his sleep for 20 minutes about the sex we just had. I think it's safe to say he's a weird one, but I dont care cuz he fucks like a champ.
I remember now some guy came over and hit on me and poured peppermint schnapps and chocolate syrup in my mouth. Pretty sure he was dressed like Santa....
Her life is filled with shit luck. Its like mother nature is having her period and just taking it out on her specifically.
She made a roadhead CD. Can I marry her?
In a weird way, I don't want to stalk him on Facebook. I want to find out what's wrong with him the old-fashioned way. Is this what it means to be romantic?
I never realized how weird our shower smells until I cracked a shower beer and had a familiar aroma to compare it to.
My friends say stay away from him but it’s still 2017 so I’m allowed to make shit decisions until midnight hahah
I swear 2020 just keeps getting worse and worse
How are they?
Amazing! These new boobs are going to break blouse buttons and wedding vows!
Randomize
