I just woke up on my kitchen floor using a yellow pages as a pillow and surrounded by plants that used to be in the garden around my apt building, can't wait to see the security tapes for my eviction
There's a man in a pair of gray footie pajamas and a paper crown watching the kids at the playground. It was easier to tell who was a pedophile before Where the Wild Things Are came out.
He's trying to wipe up all the spilled drinks with a banana
No way. Our relationship is based solely on texting and sex. A phone call would be too much at this point.
All I did was present the dick. You did the work. That's like thanking the pencil for a test you got an A on.
It's probably just the physical manifestation of slut karma. But i of course mean that in the kindest way possible because i love you and respect your choices
he is allergic to cats. we can only glue dog hair on him. otherwise he might die and i dont want to be responsible for that.
ahaha ok
let's call it "werewolfing"
I'm more concerned with the fact that he was UNconcerned that live poultry could peck him in the nutsack @ any moment of sex
You looked at my sister and yelled at her saying in a couple of years she will be yours
And your cousins porn shouldn't have been the first straight porn you watched. And for that I am sorry
With a stable of 7 fuck buddies, I literally use a random number generator to determine the order in which I will booty call them on my way home from work. I have not slept in my own bed in a month. I just keep half my clothes hanging in my car or in a suitcase.
I was so fucked up last night that I peed on his FATHER'S BED and fell asleep there. and yes. his father was asleep in the bed
its 11:20. i'm drunk in class flying paper airplanes for my final. what the fuck is my college experience right now?
Well, you started screaming "I dont know you GO AWAY" to your mom when she was holding your hair as you threw up in her garden.
It’s a prereq for med school, so I hope the professor likes blow jobs
Randomize
