the chick doesn't look like she's put anything in her mouth for weeks other than his dick.
Just brushed my teeth...forgot we used this toothbrush in bed last night.
she's not even a shacker, she never made it inside. she's just a porch girl
I dont have enough money in my bank account to buy a pregnancy test. this wouldnt be the first time ive had to steal one either...
I think all I remember saying is, "I love Chris Berman's voice" and then I passed out
the ladder is at the bottom of the pool
Sorry blacked out and lost my phone. Judging by the looks of my body I fought a cat and fell into a bush.
I don't think you should be sorry for such memorable sex that I yell your name when you aren't around.
I want a battle ostrich, get me a battle ostrich and then come and make love to me
Concept: I never actually flirt with anyone, I'm just a bitch and some people find it endearing
Remember when I convinced you to watch me eat my sandwich just so you could reuse my plate and save us money on our water bill? I'm so ecofriendly when I'm high
My thoughts mid terrible hookup: do people normally read a magazine right about now?
he asked me for a magic BJ...is that supposed to be different from a normal BJ?
I once went to target high on hydrocodone. I assure you, they can handle unrespectable.
Just remember I’m your roommate with extremely questionable morals
Exactly, what could possibly go wrong
Randomize
