just brushed my teeth with a bottle of jack. ew. not all it's hyped up to be.
She forgot my birthday again. How do you forget something that came out of your vagina???
No matter what you may say to me. You will still be the guy that managed to get his own cum in his hair.
He bought me a pink rose and a Plan B. I really like this guy.
I woke up this morning peeing out bubbles . I smell like baby wash . What the hell happened .
I'm going to shower the piss off me now. I feel like I was in an R. Kelly dream.
So for future reference.... it's a little unnerving when I can't get hold of you, and the last communication we had was, "Oh fuck... It's tequila"
Just made a memo in my blackberry that contains seth's funeral arrangements. I have a feeling he has big plans for the weekend.
Im like a hedgehog. Easy to corner or get within reach, but tough to get right close to. Like a rooster with its feathers surgically replaced with razors
I just gate-crahed a party and met a state senator, so I had an interesting afternoon jog.
I think weed is turning my hair brown
with great strapon comes great responsibility.
Does it get any better than dating a guy with a vasectomy? The answer is NO. No it does not
Who the fuck stole my fridge again
So congratulations, your penis has now sent me to urgent care not once, but twice!
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