no but I have been chillin' like em' homeboys in the rainforest yo!
These people need to leave so I can have rum and Doritos at work like every other American.
The lady at the touchless car wash just gave me the look of death. How do I say, "sorry it's not my puke" in Spanish?
Made a visit to my old puking stall. I missed it.
Mark my words im gonna be the drunkest groomsman outta spite for him having his wedding on a gameday
I wish we could skip the pretense of being normal and just start drinking wine with breakfast
and honestly how many chances will you get to hook up with a one armed guy?
Did you know that scruff feels epic on boobs especially when they are covered in whip cream?
He told me he wanted a penis beard so that he could look at girls faces when they gave him blowjobs. i have to say, i kind of admire his creativity
Why did I puke in my shower caddy last night
The number of tpain songs that actually relate to my life right now is embarrassing.
She told me her last name, which as you know is my #1 turn-off.
drunk and crying about Shakespeare- how's your night?
If not, I can murder my liver twice...it's like a cat, it has 9 lives
I just threw up on the way to class. Legit, on the sidewalk by psych building.
THAT WAS YOU? Psych prof just pointed out the window and said "that kids, is why you don't pregame before class"
Randomize
