; Think of how many worthless people would b non existant if there was no liquor so their parents never hooked up
What has two arms, one testicle and no credit card debt? This guy.
how does 'resolution to respect myself more' follow 'he fucks me really hard'?
Half the people who compete die. All the rest either lose their minds or grow an innate fear of sharks, vodka, and fishbowls
She tried to leave the threesome and I heard you yell "Hey! We don't quit at halftime!"
He refused to pierce my nipples, saying they are the best he's ever seen and that blemishing them would be a crime
When I was leaving this morning he gave me some candy off his floor to prove he was a nice guy... He definitely knows the way to my heart. Best one night stand ever
He just took a bite of each taco bell burrito and hid them throughout my apartment. this was 2 weeks ago and have found 30 burritos so far
Did you take the full box of samoas or do I not remember getting baked and eating half a box by myself?
My doctor said I can only have one drink at a time, ever, from now on. My life has officially started its decline.
Also. I think I just got sentimental over a nude
He came back with a Butterfinger and vibrator batteries. There's no refusing him now.
Whatever, ill dance on the bar at applebees, don't try and act like you're above it.
he was the first penis i touched… i have to go to his shitty bands first gig, i mean come on now
Got upgraded to First Class and now I’ve got the whole Pacific Ocean to seduce the very hot gentleman sitting next to me!!! Door closing, wish me luck!
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