So for his birthday I'm planning on doing what stripper did when she put the matches on her nipples..lights them n makes him blow them out..SEE I AM dating material.
I just saw my grandmother naked. again. this needs to stop now.
last night was the icing on my 3 week vodka binge cake
You now know someone who has just successfully talked his way out of being arrested for breaking into the town library at midnight. Ive been home for too long.
My reasons for going are selfish. She just opened her own law firm. I figure having a lawyer as a friend is a good idea. Nothing in my life suggests I won't need a lawyer again.
No she left bc the of pic I have of my mom in my bathroom. She thought it was my gf
Why the hell do you have a picture of YOUR MOM in your bathroom?!?!
You don't understand. If you watched a video of the shenanigans that occurred in my life over the past 48 hours you would gasp worse than the girl who witnessed me puking in my bag at the children's hospital
Abby spilt her vodka all over the train's bathroom floor
WE'RE THE ONES DRESSED UP FOR THE LARGEST DRINKING HOLIDAY IN AMERICA WHO ELSE ON THIS TRAIN IS A SUSPECT FOR THIS SMELL?!
I have an erection and I'm about to go through airport security.
To drink from my fkask next to a cop car or to not drink from my flask next to a cop car
so I found out I could dislocate my shoulders on demand while I was trippin on e last night...
Why did the sexual harassment class show a clip from frozen?
It's a herpes check up not a beauty pageant
After passing out at the kitchen table, you woke up in my parents bed in between them. With no pants on.
i love you and all, but can that be the last orgy with your wife?
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