i feel like after you turn 30 you aren't supposed to black out anymore
He told me he had never done that before...I responded with "clearly"
U of I kids don't fist pump to Sweet Caroline. Get me the fuck out of here.
we watched a tutorial on how to do guidette makeup
i have received so many congratulations texts this morning. sleeping with him really was a good decision.
He went down on me in his escalade and his dick is bigger than my forearm. I'm never going back to white guys.
a cabby told me that vodka is the coors light of liquor, and then gave me his number
After a couple hours you decided you were going to walk home but ten minutes later you called and said you'd puked by the side of the road and you needed us to drive you to the art museum.
Anal and Aoki tickets...I'd say I give pretty good Valentines Day gifts.
I bet his dick wears a tuxedo.
I'm drinking and working out! I'm bench pressing the beer pong table and doing push ups and lifting the chair.
After you puked in the bathtub you claimed you were never eating quesadillas again and you never even ate a quesadilla
I woke up this morning next to my computer with Google search results for "how to put out a fire."
I'm very scared to turn around.
So, I've discovered that I'm approximately 70% nicer to my mother when I've had an orgasm in the last 48 hours. It's science.
I'm sitting on the couch playing the sims, how's ur night going?
I'm sitting on my floor, drinking wine, and listening to bette midlers "wind beneath my wings"
Why are our lives so predictable?
Randomize
