What baked good do you think says thanks for being a great tutor, lets bang?
saw a man tazing a raccoon in the middle of the street last night... normal
Well I woke up with spatula marks on my ass and burns on my hands.
he keeps trying to sext me and all I can do is respond with descriptions of what im eating.
sarah just described his penis as "like bong-girth." I'm gunna go for it.
Quick question, how many times can you get chlamydia before your vagina just gives up and falls off?
I gave an inspirational speech to a bum and called a bride ugly at her wedding reception.
He waited until after foreplay to tell me that he didn't have a condom and "we" would just have to settle for a bj tonight...
You sat on my knee, like Santa, while I peed.
and i'm going to kill you for what you did to my nipples last night. of course i want to hang out
They kept barging in on us saying random shit. At one point they came in yelling room service! and threw soda at us bruising my foot. Weirdest injury I have gotten during sex.
I woke up naked on my couch playing a video game I thought I had dreamed about... oh yeah, and someone cut my hair.
How much money would it take for the bouncer to get us beers while we wait in line to get in?
$450 apparently whoopwhoop
He accepted my bet of 5 bucks to bike home completely naked. Never got asked about the 5 bucks, guess he enjoyed it too much
i just swapped my iPhone for a happy meal. this is greg btw, the hooker let me borrow her phone
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