When you're on the hood of a car, 10 mph feels pretty fucking fast.
Oh god. It's my first day here, I'm still drunk and somebody just drifted in a forklift. I'm going to die.
My mom made me write an apology letter to all my family for hijacking the eggnog.
Aside from the fact that there's a penis in my mouth, that's a pretty good picture of me
still in the ER. she tried to shotgun a bottle of corona
Is it socially acceptable to stop at the strip club for the lunch buffet on my way to the airport?
If a baby can come out of it, so can four raquetballs.
Nothing like snapchatring dick pics to a\nMarried woman while your girlfriend destroys Taco Bell in the next room. Almost caught, worth it. Got boobs back
You kept insisting you found queso that's better than oral sex
having flashbacks of licking salt of your dick for my shot of tequila
I need to sleep so I can die properly tomorrow.
I've also stopped shaving, like, everything. I can't tell if I'm empowered or sad
Executive decision.... we are cuddling naked
As soon as he called me 'darling' in that Scottish accent... my pants just dropped.
im ready to get drunk and forget everything ive learned this semester
Randomize
