11:03 p.m. Whats a lie i you lovn me. Let's cuddle.
those are such fre$h shoes
going to ignore the use of the word "fresh" in a sentence that isnt related to produce and/or other food stuffs and especially the part where you replaced an "s" with a dollar sign
this girl im hooking up with thought my ring was a purity ring... apparently im taking it too slow
everyone has their kryptonite. mine just happens to be 18 year old blonde girls.
Our brains have an emergency blowjob override switch. You saw proof tonight.
you said you wanted to feel how much my penis weighed for educational purposes
That's the kind of break up sex that keeps couples together. Damn.
as soon as I stop standing here with one leg up on my bathroom counter admiring my balls, I'm going to go tan. and then you may come over.
I'm tired and starving, and I'm pretty sure I just cost the company 33,000 dollars...fuck you and you're "you'll love going to work high" nonsense.
Well the streets were closed, so it was okay for me to just lay down for a little bit.
I was drunk for 3 days straight...well wasted for 3 days with periods of "just drunk" inbetween
I can't believe I left out the part about him peeing on the side of Route 2 at 3 a.m. while wearing a dress.
If the fate of the world hinged on some chubby girl getting laid, the president would dispatch me with a fifth of Jameson immediately and then rest easy.
I'm a full-grown woman and thusly I expect my sphincters to behave themselves.
A good example of deductive reasoning: Knowing that when my girlfriend texts me "I promise not to smoke all your weed!" that she is...at that VERY moment...Smoking All Of My Weed.
Randomize
