The worst part is I think my tongue cut his penis and now he wont talk to me.
I was so high I thought there were pigeons in my room. Long story short there are now donut crumbs all around my bedroom.
They called security on the security guard who tried to break up the party in their suite. You tell me how drunk they were.
Do you remember puking up your retainer into the toilet and putting it right back in your mouth?
he literaly had a hockey helmet on and was swan diving off the couch onto the coffee table.
I don't know what's happening. Everyone is wearing beaks.
Just saw someone tackle someone else to the ground for their coors light; he's not getting back up.
Yea, now that Irene is hitting us stores aren't selling any alcohol; beer is now a precious commodity.
I asked her to make me water, which in turn meant get me a glass. She handed me a cup of microwaved ice cubes.
On my way, five mins. Is the line long? Do you think they will they hold a pumpkin at coat check?
My sister texted me to say she just found a corn on the cob in her purse from last night. You need to party with us more.
Just saw the bridesmaid use her new sister in law as a stripper pole
Spoiler alert: my plans for Halloween are going to make our dealer's birthday look like a bunch of mormon ladies having a scrapbooking circle
For 15 minutes straight, he literally did every accent there was, from Russian to Bostonian. The issue: no one could determine whether he was sober, wasted, or anywhere in between
not being a booty call is very strange. Who knew there was so much time for activities at night!
2 weeks shy of 25 and all I’m wishing for is a secret admirer who pulls my trash cans to the curb Wednesday morning for me because I always forget to Tuesday’s nights thanks to it being dollar draft night at the local bar
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