i just woke up to 15 people singing a whole new world
I just remember standing in the shower with you eating chips.
Good cause the way I see it, we are down to DAYS left of college so we should have as much naked fun as possible. And Jenga really facilitates that.
Guess who left Professor Cunt on their paper by accident?
I think this hangover is going to kill me. If it succeeds I would like you to read a dramatic rendition of 'Trapped in the closet' complete with interpretative dance at my funeral.
He came over to use the microwave, said he needed to heat up some urine.
I don't know how or when he is sober long enough to donate plasma
Due to last night I think a roommate constitution should be made. The first law will be designed to prevent any chicks below a 4 to enter the house.
Omg yes! I just found a random muffin! Don't question it. Just praise the miracle.
I need to keep a secret stash of instant alcoholic margaritas for when i deal with people. For example, right now, im grading, and I just don't fucking care any more. My students should make a thank you card for Jose Cuervo.
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but a penn state hat. We are....
I don't want to be Eskimo brothers with your dad
you got drunk, told him he looked like shaggy and said 'I wouldn't show you my mystery machine for all the scooby snacks in the world'
So you're at your daughter's volleyball game looking at dicks online? That's amazing.
No, I was picking her up from volleyball and sitting in my car looking at dicks.
Sorry, i'm on a strict diet of vodka and regret
Randomize
