What's everyones problem with my costume?!
It looks like a unicorn came on your face.
I think we should go ahead and pin a note to my shirt when we go out that says"do NOT buy me shots"
On the back we can put possible side effects may include: indiscriminate making out, brief crying spells, yelling in jibberish, and sudden sleep.
I was born with a shot glass in my hand
i literally forgot his name and just started calling him "waffles"
Not only did a random toaster end up in my house last night, it's also full of skittles.
My boogers are black from last night. So that's either from all the colored hairspray or inhaling all of the tragedy from the party...
What's the protocol for seeing the two girls you've been sleeping with in the store WHILE buying condoms?
3some
You're right, stupid question.
the most drunk i have ever been? possibly. the most drunk i have ever been on a monday? definently.
Some guy just delivered flowers to my roommate cause he fell off a roof onto her at a party last night. I think they have a date tomorrow.
Just watched a drug bust from the Ralphs parking lot while listening to Frank Sinatra. Happy Valentine's Day.
He just laughed at his drink laid on the floor and crawled to the bathroom
We are planning a drunk snapchat treasure hunt for tomorrow, and the treasure is his penis, this is a game I'm not willing to loose.
A dude just looked at me like my drunk swaying was corrupting his progeny DUDE YOUR KID HAS A MULLET YOU'VE ALREADY RUINED HIM
I know. I'm a saint. Saint of sitting on faces.
You are not the cause of late onset lesbianism.
Randomize
