I see my mary-anne walkin' awa-y-y! Bow Nahw now new, ne ne ne ne ne, ne ne nehw, ne ne new new Nah dan ah bwawn-now, ba bwan'll buh dada bwiddly doo.
That was supposed to be me air guitaring the solo from More than A Feeling
She came home wasted 'not wantin to talk about it' so for revenge I woke her up with a dutch oven and she puked all over me and the bed. I can't win.
Dude I told you 22 year olds shouldn't get married
Do you not remember you showing everyone in the bathroom your period stained underwear? I'd say you were pretty happy it came
Just found custom condoms. Guess I'm not getting any work done today.
You disinfected one of his friends, buttered the jeans of the other one. And you poured every liquid you could reach on the floor, including cooking oil and green tea. It wasnt a great first impression
Mom just Facebook checked into an Applebees at 2am. Caption: ''WITH THE BESTIEZ.''
My printer just jammed because one of the condom wrappers I threw when we had sex in my dorm
thats the 2nd threesome ive been accused of this week
So I was about the only one NOT pregaming or stoned at my aunt's funeral... Maybe thats why I'm the black sheep.
You're welcome to join, but just to warn you, tequila makes my clothes disappear. And I'm telling you that as an adult to an adult, not as your supervising teacher who decides whether or not you graduate.
I got Pilsbury cinnamon rolls for us to have tomorrow, but I don't have the willpower to leave them in my fridge overnight, so I am eating them all and getting us more in the morning
I love you more by the minute
Dude, I'm pretty sure I slept with my TA's girlfriend
Look, as flattering as it is, I'm getting a little tired of being everyone's go-to girl for a threesome.
That's fine. It's not illegal to bring ham into a museum.
just woke up and had to check if i still had pants on, i really need to stop drinking
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