Dude?? where did you go after Wildcats last night? Last I heard you went off with one of the girls we danced with?
Negative - This is his GF, Bobby is in Jail for a DUI. Thanks for the info.
I just called a phone sex line and you know what I did? I sat there and cried
just wokeup with my ethics textbook on my chest, animal crakers in my mouth and my dick in my hand. even aristotle doesn't have a theory for this one
Well he's not exactly single.. It's like an open relationship his wife doesn't know about
You act as if I'm the first person to pee in the Taco Bell drive thru at 2 AM, I'm sure a lot worse things have happen in that drive thru than my urine.
So, I'm stoned at his house petting the neighbors cat I made him steal.
You're a fucking train wreck.
Wanna smoke some ancient weed I just found in a box of cake mix?
I peed my pants and am still dancing with guys at the club because I liked my outfit too much to change. Call the ratchet emergency
Ryan got so drunk he gave a hobo $20 and I had to zip tie him to the bed so he doesn't out stupid himself
literally took my pants off in the middle of bourbon last night without taking off my heels im a super human i guess
Never start off a conversation with "speaking of STD's..."
I fucking hate humanity. I met a twenty three year old adult with an aol email account today. I'm not sure how those things are related, but I'm sure they are.
Ick. That's not even the fun kind of punishment.
He set the tone in the back of his car by blasting Marvin Gaye's sexual healing before railing me
the orange of my hangover Tang is hurting my eyes... my coworkers knew it was hangover Tang too.
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