last night i used 411 to try and contact britney spears.
dollar well spent
I just Organized my jello shots by their colors in my mini fridge for the rest of the week. I'm going places in life.
you went around grabbing cigarettes out of peoples mouths and claiming you were curing cancer.
I just puked in a penis shaped cake pan. I've hit an all new low for a Tuesday.
he was already passed out before we got there, so i already knew i was going to like him
Called Jeff last night and told him I wanted to have sex in the airport terminal. Blackout Brooke definitely came out last night.
A black suburban rolled up and a scary suited guy got out the passenger side and opened the door for her as she got in. Then drive off. Who did I just fuck?
bro, your right, i shouldn't feel embarrassed about taking shots from a penis-shaped ice sculpture
Douche bag was crowd surfing, sack punched him. Crowd carried him away in a ball of agony. LIFE=COMPLETE.
She tried to subtly measure me, but I noticed. She told me I barely made the cut otherwise there would have been just a handshake as a parting gift.
I didn't want to hook up with him so I just jumped out of bed, yelled "I don't even believe in god!" and ran out of the room
for once I'd like a one night stand where I don't meet the guys mom or wife in the morning
We're gonna start a pole dancing competition or a bar fight. Stand by for results.
I just remembered that the guy I slept with last night has "USDA PRIME" tattooed on his ass
So many questions...the two most important are, where the fuck is my booze and how did you even get the couch through the door?
Randomize
