Today I realized that I've had whole drunk relationships with people. And sober me has and wants no part in it.
Another night of drunkeness. Maybe I shouldn't have played death pong...
Didn't you just get a DUI last week?
Indeed I did but death didn't stop Jesus now did it
In hindsight maybe we should have moved his homework instead of playing quarters on top of it.
No joke. Last we saw of him he was naked and dragging that stupid goat into the bushes.
How fortunate humanity is that it need not rely on the female orgasm for procreation
she looks like she scalped a horse for her weave
I think they can follow the trail of blood to my house if they have a problem with me taking a dip in their hot tub last night b4 stepping on a broken bottle
They're tearing apart the house I lost my virginity in:(
You guys wanna start around 10:30 tomorrow?
We can start at 5am for all I care. You ask like I have plans.
Just set out 2 water bottles as an offering to my hungover self.
I asked him to explain what he meant by "hooking up" in paragraph form
Just looked for hours for the remote. Found it in my purse. I need to drink less.
she walked up to me at the bar, kissed me, andthen declared "I HAVEN'T SEEN YOU OR YOUR PENIS SINCE 2011."
I know you just got bad medical news... But want some moonshine?
I made the antidote to the nasty cognac. I AM THE GOD OF MIXED DRINKS.
Randomize
