like if someone fucked a dictionary but instead of having a penis, it was just one of those leap frog educational toys
I hope to god you are high
Found a barbie with nipples. Life is complete.
Packing for the trip... do they take Visa in South Dakota?
We're having the conversation about what happened last night, all we can come up with is that we came home, drank two litres of lemonade, I took one of her seizure pills and we fell asleep with sabrina the teenage witch on
If I end up married to you I better get lots of orgasms to help me forget I failed at life.
I need to stop drinking and eating and start working out. I look like the lovechild of John Goodman and Jabba the Hutt.
The only thing he had going for him was mad fingering skills. the ONLY thing. crayons have a wider circumference.
New guy at work just gave me a Percocet for my headache. Officially best friends
There's a girl in class eating a pumpkin pie. Like a whole pie straight from the pan with a fork.
We took a walk on the beach after the bar, he held my hand and kissed me. And then I peed under a lifeguard stand. It was so romantic.
You can trust me. I'm unemployed and not wearing pants.
Should I wear my "kiss me I'm highrish" shirt for my drug screen today?
There's nothing wrong with using cocaine to keep my heart rate up in my fitness class.
He just ate a tooth whitening strip...
It's 3 am. Nothing I've tried can get the taste of failure and vomit out of my mouth.
Randomize
