What ever happened to making out with a few boob grabs here and there?
"Party in the USA" was played at church youth group last night. It was like everything I enjoy hating was aligning against me.
I just looked at the maps icon on my IPhone and "eR" was typed in the search address bar. I wonder if we ever got there.
I'm thinking about that time I was in a trashbag and you spray painted my hair yellow
I'm pregaming before our pregaming dinner...with peanut butter and beer. I think I need to re-evaluate my budget...
Just the budget?
I sent her 8 pictures of my dick in a baked potato. Not sure how I thought that would get me laid later.
He doesn't have any game.. I mean, his one move is forwarding chicks pictures of his penis.
Dude. Get me out of here. I'm surrounded by glitter-faced 40 year olds in halter tops. The desperation here is so thick you can taste it.
He looks like he's going to feed me a taco and then stab me. It's probably a good idea he's a lawyer
I woke up with the Dorothy costume at my ankles, both sparkly red shoes on, and clutching ToTo....we're not in Kansas anymore, dude
Ok there's 63 pics of you jerking it on my camera from New Years. The time stamps say it took you 40 min to get there too. See a doc, your only 22.
You can't just beat off while driving someone else's car. Thats a rule
Thats your rule and this car is nice
I'm just drunk enough to be eating egg rolls on the toilet
I called him the wrong name all night, yet I still got a ride home from the party and hooked up with the guy. I'm irresistible.
Just saw 4 of my students at Denny's at 4am on a Tuesday. We all pretended not to see each other, as we are all clearly tipsy and/or stoned. Class is in less than 4 hours. Either i'm getting too old for this shit or they're starting on the road to crazy-town much earlier these days.
Randomize
