hook me up with the drugs dog keep up the good work
It's impossible to flirt with the bank tellers because they see how broke I am.
Everyone was high fiveing on their a walks of shame home. God im gonna miss college life
should my penis look like a turkey
I was just on craigslist and saw and ad for a naked yoga instructor. I will no longer be jobless.
Why is Kyle using one of my nieces as a blunt object to provoke and attack my other niece?
Just had an old man tip me two dollars and say "here put this in your baby fund, you'll have a baby someday" I swear this is gods way of saying GET ON BIRTH CONTROL NOW!
He really thought ahead and just left the tequila in the mail box for late night pickup. Best. Friend. Ever.
I just wanna go somewhere and not be judged for wearing spandex shorts that make my ass look like a slice of fucking heaven. Is that so much to ask??
I just realized that the first thing he ever bought me was Plan B.
They finally caught us and banned us forever, but it was worth it because we didn't have to pay for light bulbs for at least 3 years.
So you stole light bulbs, from your favorite bar, and got banned, and you're happy?
Look we couldnt pay for light bulbs and ramen, and you can't eat light bulbs or cook in the dark. Win - win.
he's like a horny 3rd grader on cocaine. he needs a leash
I gave him a blowjob to kill bill. 2 of my favorite things.
And also ice skating can blow me. Goodnight, love you!
I think he may actually care that I call him slampiece instead of his real name. Who knew he had feelings?
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