wakey wakey hands off snakey
WHY DIDN'T ANYON E TELL ME SHE WAS SIXTEEN
I made out with the bride. You tell me how my night was
i have a strong feeling i fucked one of the waiters here...
She hadn't heard about the oil spill. She gave dumb blondes a whole new standard to aim for. I did her anyway...but that isn't the point.
Eye surgery went well. Just can't believe it took getting lasers through my eyes to temporarily stop the vivid sex dreams I was having
Do you have any need for a scary clown mask?
I found you in the bathroom. You were sitting cross-legged on the floor wearing nothing but socks completely surrounded by broken crayons.
No, supporting your unemployed boyfriend IS NOT what credit cards are for.
The problem with having sex on the couch is that your blanket ends up in the laundry and you're left cold on the couch the next day.
I just remembered I did the whole byebyebye dance at the bar
I need to stop challenging people to taking off clothes. I win too often
I fucked her with a giant balloon tied to my dick. You tell ME how my night went
As a gift to myself for being so awesome at being single, I'm going to buy a vibrator
If I hear the phrase 'these unprecedented times' one more time I'm putting my foot up someone's ass.
Randomize
