remember when u banged some random dude twice in the back restaurant room of the bar i work at with customers still there? and woke up with an enormous highschool-sized hickey this morning? no big deal.
I just saw a license plate that said "Guidete" at college. This proves the world is officially ending in 2012
Their wedding is on my 21st birthday. I fail to see a way that this could end poorly.
we are cloud gazing and there is one that looks like a giant baby riding a dolphin and smoking a joint
i wish there was a reasonable explanation for why this reminds me of you
Don't freak out about the couches in the driveway. We tried to unpack the uhaul drunk.
Woke up with a migrane, threw up blood, then my headache went away. I'm going to convince myself that it was just a bad batch of blood so I can drink again tonight
They want me to get them some X for there wedding present. I'm on the way to get it now
I'm drinking wine from the cap of my laundry detergent container, wearing my bed sheet as a cape. How do you think I'm taking it?
Cops are just so fun an beautifuk
it was fucking weird. cops showed up but they appreciated our 3 story bong. and then some girl tried to steal our cheese and butter
Girl behind me in line at cvs was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan b soon she might be a mom abd that if we couldn't tell she'd be a terrible mom
Wore a burger king crown while giving head still drunk this morning #blessed
Is it weird that I'm looking up pubic hairstyles?
Sorry for throwing up in your humidifier last night, I thought it was some sort of electrical garbage can
If you dont get laid dressed as Woody Harrelson in Zombieland, I have lost all faith in the men of nw Indiana.
Randomize
