I found my crush's facebook page. And his wife's. Apparently they are still in love. Of all the people to have happy marriages! Fuck, I'm depressed.
just took my exes job. there should be an award for how many times I've managed to fuck that girl's life
she said, "is it ok if I touch it?" that's when I knew I was in trouble... I knew she was a virgin but seriously..
I only have two playlists on my iPod. One for when im getting drunk, one for when I'm getting high. Is this something to be worried about?
i wish i could shrink down to the size of his dick so i could just thank it in person.
Sober now. I'm really glad I didn't try to make out with that guy who has a pregnant fiance
I may hire someone just to sell my family the drugs they keep asking me for. It's cutting into my doing drugs time.
Why am I feeling up grandma?!
I'm really glad a picture of you as an infant followed this text.
And thanks! There are perks to polyamory. And birthday orgies are one of them
Are you trying to say I've made an emotionally well rounded transformation similar to the Grinch?
I'm saying "I told you so" now so that I don't slow down to say it on the way to grab the fire extinguisher
His beard looks like it smells like beer, cocaine and old pussy juice
You are hungover. Your arguments are irrational an incoherent. We only played twice. Have some Gatorade and take a knee.
He is married, and has a regrettably large penis. I need to find another one right away to get myself out of this mess.
How big does a penis have to be before it becomes regrettably so?
I’m the skeleton in his closet, but I only come out on Tuesday and Thursday afternoon and when his wife is out of town
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