My mom just got knocked over by a rollerblader. I'm trying not to laugh, bc my family looks pretty concerned
I just shaved my legs while pooping. classy or trashy?
talent.
I'm sad your dog died... Her name is my stripper name.
He skyped me to learn how to roll a joint and for us to masturbate together. And you said a long distance relationship wouldn't work.
We're pregaming our midterms. Also, when we get our tests back, we're taking a shot for every point we lost. If you're not in, you should just go ahead and transfer.
I found his retainer in my ass crack. It smells like shame.
Are you alive?
I googled "I don't want to vomit anymore," and "how to rip out your uvula," at 9 am this morning, but I'm still here. Uvula and all.
He asked me if I wanted to play "Edouard Mandevan," turns out that's French for Edward Winehands
I just washed out an empty chocolate milk bottle to take whiskey on my bike ride.
You are not an adult
2 hours later, she made her cat watch the waterfall scene from Homeward Bound to teach her how good she has it here.
Stalker pic that shit
He left, I think he got uncomfortable when I started singing 'oompah oompah doodley do, I have a special riddle for you'
I just have to decide what I love more, food or dick.
It's the third day of class and I got told I smell like a distillery.
Well I'm back. Could you fill me in on what I missed?
You don't want to know. Trust me.
Dude, Kevin called the cops on the cops.
Randomize
