she looked like the before picture.
I got a lap dance until she said they wipe of the poles between each dance to clear the "std slime", i couldnt even masterbate at home it was a horrible military monday
My new excuse for sleeping with him was in celebration of his cat's birthday.
Of course he got arrested. He was wearing a toga. Even Tom Hanks couldn't act sober in a toga.
I have beard burns on my inner thighs. I'd say last night went pretty well.
21st Birthday Idea: liquor store gift registry. Give me a promotion.
She told me she needed to clarify that we are not fuck buddies, we are best friends that have sex once in a while
gave him road head on the way to his grandparents house. purposely didn't let him finish, the sexual tension over turkey was indescribable.
Thats like me asking what you think of antisocial polish guys with mysterious rashes
And we're now at 8 people from the office coming to my desk to ask me "do you feel better?".
Just jerked off with bubble wrap. Not as awesome as it sounds.
In my dream I had to eat so many peanut butter and Nutella sandwiches
You know you hit Mardi Grad bottom when you come to in someone's kitchen on the floor and you are eating gumbo out of a Mixing bowl with a ladle......yeah rock fucking bottom
How do you explain to your mom that you let your friend stab you in the leg while drunk and high on coke?
You don't know happiness until you've got to smoke weed inside taco bell and then eat all you want for free
Randomize
