I just want to sing "highway to the danger zone" when I'm taking his pants off.
he just called me skinny, hes either trying to get laid, or i'm going to have to marry this man
When you gave me the first bj i thought 'yep, this girl is going to do great things with her life'
I have 11 glasses of water and one beer on the table infront of me. Have to keep going to different bartends to get more. There are only two though and I think they've caught on
its impossible for me to find something that fits my tits my muffin top and my ass all at the same time
Writing a love song to planned parenthood. what rhymes with "don't have AIDS"
I dont think a "sorry ive slept with most of your teammates" text will do much
I will probably be peed on at some point today.
Also I fell in love w a girl dressed as a pirate that was great at doing the limbo
he busted into the room with single cheese slices and started yelling "THROW SOME CHEESE ON THAT BITCH"
I'm so busy i barely have time to have sex with myself. I have to talk myself into it like an old married couple.
You kept trying to make people drink "salsa-ritas." But all you did was dump tequila in a half full jar of salsa, and shove it in people's faces while shouting at them.
You kept chewing on the empty milk carton and saying "kitty" over and over again. It was an interesting night.
apparently ive been in a long term relationship for the past 1 1/2 years w/ out knowing
I STUDIED GEOGRAPHY I KNOW THIS SHIT!! DON'T YOU DARE QUESTION MY AUTHORITY ON GLACIAL DEPOSITION AGAIN BITCH!!
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