Don't look now but I am in class with a mixed drink
Don't look now but my prof just asked me if I was drinking a screwdriver
JACOB AND UGLY BROKE UP
Wedsnesdays are always enlightening. Tonights revealation: One should not smoke from something taller than their person.
My life is like a Sweet Valley High book but with lots of alcohol.
I caught a rooster roaming Edison Park then released it in the bar. They made me try to catch it again and somebody played the chicken dance while I chased it
I just shot gunned a beer for your birthday alone because you're too hungover at midnight to get out of bed. I'm not sure which of us is the bigger loser
do you think having her use a clorox disinfecting wipe on her vagina will keep me from getting her herpes if I don't have a condom?
some drunk bitch driving a golf cart ran over the live band... its bad.
I'm going out w/ her for her b-day in a bit. I just talked to one of her drunk friends on the phone who asked if I could "handle 7 lesbian." This could be interesting.
Dude. It's not even nine. I don't know yet.
Drink number four. Don't even tell me about its not even nine
he's the second guy to suck on my nipple in front of my friends that i haven't made out with.
He is so sweet! He thanks me for sending him dirty pix. I should keep him.
Apparently I was drunk enough to call he police station and ask if there was a problem with me.
She's got Mike in the bathroom. He's covered in meat.
I'm eating Arby's in the bathtub because I'm an adult and I do what I want
Randomize
