Its a sad day when your bush has a better set of hair than you do
There are Star Wars cutouts in his basement. Obi Wan Kenobe watched me give him a handjob.
she went to her friend's wedding and caught the bouquet. as the unwilling rebound, can i run away now?
We're gonna have screwdrivers in a cab at 4am?
Is that weird?
That would be a dream come true. Seriously, he's like my mount everest, my life's ambition is to climb him.
He was too drunk, and my mother and I ended up babysitting him. He told her I have amazing mouth skills, and that I love the "chorizo" he feeds me. All she said was "And on the list of 30 things you never want to hear about your daughter..." while gripping the steering wheel.Please just fucking kill me now.
I seriously doubt I'm gonna be able to properly put your dick in my mouth whilst upside down, but I'm willing to give it my best shot
I had to ask him for a dick pic. Do you know how refreshing that was?
My boss doesn't know what jello shots are. I've lost faith in this company.
I need a moral compass that doesn't always point to dick
I wanna be like, dude, I peed your bed. Like you laid in my pee. And we're not dating. You can find another fuck buddy who I'm sure won't piss on you.
I told him I was ready for another round and he said, "after this part." What guy chooses James Bond over pussy?!
I haven't gotten this high alone in a long time. I keep looking at the cat waiting for her to say something.
I screamed "You look like a guy I've fucked!" to your brother at a party... I have some explaining to do.
Well I've decided to refuse to conform to society and be naked the rest of the day.
Randomize
