We met at my place after separate parties but the condom wrapper was red with hearts and said love. Does that count as a romantic date?
had my ear almost bitten off in foreplay. the sex gods do not like me.
underwater hpnotiq shots? sure why not.
you have no idea the dirty thing i want to do to your blad spot. please wear my vagina as a hat.
it's almost 8pm and i'm still hungover. at what point do i alert someone?
my question is who was more confortable? You sleeping on the floor or me tweeting from a bush?
In the ER with Chelz, I may have broken her ankle during sex. Lovely.
On a Thurs night I found myself drunk in a limo w 9 dudes on my way to a strip club. Once there I was handed $100 in ones and told "spend it." I need a husband. Or Jesus.
sex in a hospital.. check
Went home w the NY Islander in a NY Rangers jersey, needless to say he was pissed
Just so were clear your wife is cut off from my dick.
If I walk downstairs and Kelly is fucking in the laundry room again I'm gonna die
Maybe they'll dismiss me from jury duty after they smell beer on me. You can't keep me in a cage and then give me an hour and a half long lunch break next to a beer fest and expect sobriety.
Unless it involves a lot of whiskey, an ACDC concert, and a guy named Juan from the Philippines, then I'm not interested.
Highlight your past hook-ups. You've been stabbed, shot at, run over, and chased down the road...no you can't bring new bar bitch over here!
Dude she has a friend!!!!
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