@ a funeral. fucking miss uuuu
you left your shoes but remembered to take your vodka. i see where your priorities are.
Just tried to chase Captain Morgan with water...this whole drinking alone business is getting harder to do.
you know its bad when everytime i put on a shirt i think of who i hooked up with in it
If I had a quarter for every time I had sex in your bed while you were out of town, I would probably be a lot more willing to buy you new sheets. Hope you're having a nice vacation.
I'm gagging in the liquor aisle just thinking about how much alcohol I'll be drinking this weekend.
No one intentionally makes bad decisions, just errors in judgement. You have your boyfriend I have a restraining order from universal studios. It's all relative
at least you know where his tattoos end, so it wasn't a complete waste of time.
In the morning he said my plan to make 2 casseroles today was, "hot in a grandma sort of way," & I didn't think it was weird. THAT'S how hot he was.
I need a light and a towel. ive got cum in places ive never had cum before.
I have need of you to return home with haste, as I require the magical capsules you possess to relieve the posterior pain I am living. I battle this demon with stubborn grit, however I feel that defeat is on the horizon.
Found sauce from last night's pizza rolls wedged under my phone case... While sitting in my 8 am class. What happened last night?
You really need to stop getting injured so often it's really starting to negatively impact my sex life. Oh and get well soon. . . no seriously though hurry the fuck up.
Do you remember standing up at 3 in the morning and asking me if I was counting to six?
What do you do when you legitimately find a hidden sex dungeon in your parents basement next to your bedroom!!?
Randomize
