I hate your face
You told me to hold on because you had to barf like a dinosaur.
i just lost my virginity for the 9th time. when will guys stop believing that nonsense line
High enough to fry lime slices.....tasted like shit, by the way
Chipotle chips and wine for breakfast. Its def game day
Apparently the last thing they remember of me was me stumbing into a bathroom, then falling out 5 minutes later clutching a butter knife repeating "ketamine goes in my face hole"
Well then. It seems like we have a Mexican standoff of genitals
its just been over 12 hours, and i`m dying, don`t know how i`m supposed to survive the holidays sexless
He did 5 five hand stand push ups and took off his shirt for a barbarian flex. Some girl took off her shirt and threw it at him
Did I tell you that I told him I deleted his dick pics and he almost started crying?
All I want is a wedding with a dress and a veil and where I can go and my cat can go.
You were supposed to catch herpes, not feelings!!!
dude, where did you go? french fries taste like numbers
I'm doing my drinking workout. 20 pushups for each beer I finish. I should write a fucking book
We're pretty sure we got naked at Pride, so running the two blocks to your place in my underwear is a step up the dignity ladder really.
Randomize
