When my kids ask how I lost my virginity Im going to have to tell them of a mythical thing called "Myspace" and how strangers could lure you into their "den of love" thanks to clever quotes and graphics
How the hell am I supposed to know what lotion to get her? They should have a dressing booth where I could go test how good it is for jerking off, then I'd know.
well hello there hangover. fancy meeting you here on this BRIGHT thursday morning.
So apparently I shook her hand very polite, said weiner and walked away
Had to make a piece of abstract art. Your dick is in it
Woke up next to a half eaten California burrito. It was tucked in.
Quick question... Can I call you daddy? Or would that just really made the whole 8 year age gap a bigger deal...?
Things I have that belong to you: shorts, headband, bra, purse, chinese food, vodka, and blood on my jeans. Happy homecoming.
Look. You've gotta stop making this about you, and make it about my vagina.
there's a guy in the del taco parking lot doing pushups. let's be his friends
Just gave a blow job while wearing a shirt that says 'world's coolest mom' idk how my conscience feels...
So do you want to hear how I got the hickey first, or how I got the black eye?
That BJ in the bathroom was definitely worth the $20 cover.
Come camping we have xanax and steaks
Hypothetically speaking of course, is it bad if a cat eats lube?
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