i just remebered what i did last night, i asked a homeless man on a bike "hey whatcha doin with that bike, wanna make 5 bucks?" he agreed and then rode me on his handle bars a block away to the next bar.
what was i supposed to do!? wake up and actually ask her name??
just put cider in my bong. gotta love fall
I mean I like that it's warm enough to open the windows, but it annoys me that I can't walk around naked anymore.
He kept buying me shots of tequila. I decided to just save myself the half hour of toilet hugging and tell him straight up that I intended on sleeping with him. We got Tacos on the way home with all the money we saved.
Just saw a woman walking a golden retriever and a vacuum down the road. I miss downtown.
I'm cooking a can of baked beans on the baseboard heater. It is too early in the semester to be this poor.
June 16th my calendar just says boobietassels....I can only assume that has to do with you
My roommate said I banged on the wall and said, "this dude eats pussy like a champ."
Please stop letting me make out with hot lesbians.
Definitely not. I may be your best friend, but first and foremost I am a guy. Please continue.
You do realize how pathetic it is when the woman who does your bikini waxes has seen your vagina more than I have
I just sat in the bathtub with the shower running so I could eat the whole box of mega stuffed Oreos. What am I doing with my life
Serio, who the fuck falls down coming offstage wearing nothing but pasties, a g-string, and a fake moustache, and now suddenly needs a tetanus shot. Me. That's who.
Can I just lay in bed and you pour vodka through a funnel in my mouth?
Ugh I don't want to adult today. I need like a dozen more coffees. Or cookies. They're interchangeable.
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