I would give away a ton of these clothes but I doubt there are any homeless people who dress as slutty as me
I had to stop messing around with him for fear of laughing in his face. I swear it was a pinky finger in his pants
there are certain things about getting into a cab to go home at 630 am that make me feel like a prostitute.
She's pissed. She declared she was moving out and proceeded to pack 3 pairs of shoes, her electric wine opener and ONE sock. Then told us to have fun paying her portion of the rent.
I can't see straight with both eyes and ive only been at the bar for an hour. Someone else typed this for me.
Finally considering to keep my landing strip before I have sex.. I feel like It makes me look mature.
Out of beer. Salsa pong. Never again.
So help my penis see only you. Give him some attention as well.
I'd like to thank you for ensuring I didn't die. Id also like to show you the most impressive bruise you will perhaps ever see
We had an in depth conversion about the best way to take a dick pic. Both with and without mirrors.
I got asked to "be the filling in a man sandwich." You don't get to pick the club again. EVER.
Let's put it this way. Mom is bringing me a new shirt and I smell like lube.
I can't believe I got dumped for a fat chick, but at least I got four and a half years worth of free shit. So we can call it even.
I walked over and you were apologizing to him because you're lady gaga and he's not. The best part was that he forgave you.
Theres about 23 grilled cheese sandwiches stuck to my ceiling and tomato soup all over the kitchen. You are never allowed over again. Ever.
Randomize
