the sad thing is, im pretty sure she was serious about giving me head for my falafel
For some reason i am carrying prostate cancer brochures. i am nor used to drinking this early.
I don't think he grasps the fact that I would much rather he finish inside me than on my $400 Anthropolgie bedspread
I'm not a home wrecker but if one more married man with a yacht asks me to go scuba diving I'm NOT saying no
Honestly I miss having a gay roommate. His female friends' implicit trust in him would carry over to me even though they knew Im straight. Best unintentional wingman ever.
MY roomie made me a chinese name- it's supposed to mean 'the girl of a thousand sins.'
So I'm thinking about sending him some "sorry I almost peed on your computer" cookies. Thoughts?
I found out that rock climbing and alcohol does not go together. Ask my broken arm.
Jesus I should have learned from my first marriage not to get married again
I want to be tan and drunk. Is that too much to ask for?
we need to make pact to not cut each other's hair on coke and whiskey nights.
While I agree, I dont think thats realistically possible
No. I'm sorry but once your "would go gay for" list exceeds five people, you're bi. Get over it.
Just in case you blacked out, we had sex, you came in me, we need plan B, we fell off your top bunk, broke your roommates chair, i still like you, but i'm in pain and am going to bed
I'm a shining star this evening. Dancing with a cane in rite aid now. I should be kept under survaillance.
You left me a note that said "The Earth is blowing up. Bring the Rosé." WTF.
Randomize
