oh man you're gonna hate me when you log onto facebook. remember i love you
My mom said she was relieved to see that I'd gained some weight bc she's "always worried" that I might have AIDS.
I have beard burns on my inner thighs. I'd say last night went pretty well.
What's the appropriate I've been inside you but we're not technically dating valentines present?
Pretty sure I tied my shoes laces together to keep myself from driving drunk. Fell like six times. Keep forgetting
finally remembered how I know that chick in my history class. she made and fed me ramen when I was wasted!
I hope after we constantly bang for 2 days straight we can agree to be friends again
I'm sitting in front of a fan naked drinking Gatorade. Motherfucking hangover probs
I totally intended to come to the hotel, but I woke up in a parking lot
The struggle is real.
She makes margaritas with lemon-lime 5 hour energy..thats brilliant
and you were wondering how she got into Harvard
I just baby talked my cat. While getting ready for bed... Before 10 on a Friday. I'm officially a cat lady.
It's cuz all she eats is salt lick, human souls, and fast food
I'm sure as hell not getting hoodwinked into going back to rehab again
Do you ever go take a shit and end up sitting on the toilet for like 45 minutes wondering what the fuck you're doing with your life?
Everyday my friend, everyday.
Jack said he hasn't jerked off in like two weeks and he's like a smoldering volcano who wants to bury you like Pompeii with his man gravy
Randomize
