sooo i think when i get back from rothbury i should probably take a pregnancy test
but you would be showing by now. i'd just save the money and wait for a large crap in 6 months that starts crying. then you'll know.
She had been watching Bad Girls Club where the annoying girl always says "I RUN L.A.". After she got wasted she kept going up to strangers at the bar yelling "I RUN FAYETTEVILLE." I peed in her drink.
debating whether or not to save the package from my first plan b pill. it would be a nice addition to any baby book.
i left the icescrapper in his bathroom. i dont remember taking it there, but i remember brushing his hair with it.
the campus cop used the word depravity in our citation.
Word of advice, don't put your jar if peanut butter in the microwave, blue fire comes out
In other news: I massively over-caffeinated this morning. Everything is vibrating and I can SEE THROUGH TIME
My car has a permanent smell of sex to it now.
There's a guy running dressed as a bunny toward your house.
I kinda forgave him after he laid next to me and rubbed my arm for four hours while I tripped balls.
I think that's the first time I had "ass rimming" scroll across my phone at work
I guess I asked for the two old strippers numbers at the end of the bar and it turned out to be the bartenders mom and aunt...
why does every cop we meet know your name?
Look at us. Planning our business meeting. Including snacks like shrooms & trail mix.
I got locked into my place today. You might be wondering if that was a typo... It's not.
Randomize
