My mom says you aren't allowed to eat doritos at my house
Going to bed naked. Too bad I am all alone. Need to make some changes. Either sleep with clothes or with you
He kept asking me to take off my bra and I sat up so he could. He fumbled with it for a few minutes and when I sighed and went to undo it he goes, "Yeah, you got this."
i'm so high that for the last 10 minutes i pretened my sock was a mouse, and played with it like it was legit.
I found my old addy guy via fb who clearly understands the supply and demand curve of addy during finals so he's gonna hook me up.
Thats two for two birthdays where I've gotten the "alcoholism runs in the family" speech
Urine might work for jellyfish stings, but we found out it doesn't work well for nose bleeds...
Its only fair we share our golden vaginas with the world. It would be selfish if we didn't.
Let's play a little game of "Last Night Never Happened"
I'm on a mission. But just to make out with him so his relationship collapses and he is single when I come back in April.
WHAT DID YOU SAW VERBATIM. VERBATIM IS SOBER FOR WORD FOR WORD
not sure if destroying him emotionally was worth it but damn it's a fucking hilarious story
just like fucking own it. stare that cop in the eye and just keep masturbating "yeah motherfucker Im high as shit and this feels great"
I get stoned and write a 15 page history report in two hours. She gets stoned and cries because she "doesn't know which shade of pink is the real one".
For 15 minutes straight, he literally did every accent there was, from Russian to Bostonian. The issue: no one could determine whether he was sober, wasted, or anywhere in between
Randomize