i already hear my dad disowning me
Mind blown. Apparently, it's PRErogative, not PERogative. I blame Bobby Brown.
Milquetoast, coolest word ever.
Girls should come with a carfax report
I take back everything bad I said about that song party in the usa. There's just something about seeing a cross dresser lipsing it that makes a song sooo much better.
Ok, but If I make this happen, my first born son gets to fuck your first born daughter
Watching Argentina vs Germany during a wedding on an iPhone. Thank you Steve Jobs.
I THREW AWAY MY VIBRATOR BECAUSE IT INTIMIDATED HIM. WORST. DECISION. EVER
I keep thinking your bag of thongs is a bag of chips. So mad I can't eat them.
Omg one side of my Labia is asleep. Has that ever happened to you?
Should I be concerned that the new guy I'm seeing just referred to my stealing a sailboat in college while drunk as "wholesome"?
Can't be like "hey can you elaborate on this three year old tweet" can I?
Not gonna lie I just got drunk and started doing applications because I know I'm going into work tomorrow still drunk
He fucked me while wearing a unicorn horn. I think I have found the one...
I need you to know I’m weirdly very sexually attracted to Charlie Puth now
Randomize
