I was just standing there and then BOOM! She was attacking my face with her mouth.
I don't get it, man. She treated me like a sexual predator but treated you like a piece of meat.
I told him I'm not paying rent anymore because he's seen my boobs.
Haha im about to meet my shrink &i have so much shit to tell him i made an outline
We're exchanging pot brownie recipes in my substance abuse class. This is going to be an awesome 7 weeks.
Stoned ambition #8. Must learn sign language.
I've watched enough of my roommate's imported Japanese satellite to know when the exchange students are calling me a whore.
I want to figure out a way to work "if you suddenly die, I might turn into an extreme hoarders" into my valentines day poem
He's taking me to Tao. This is going to be so weird. How do you go on a first date with a guy that has seen you naked more times than clothed?
he was definitely tindering while i gave him head
I just jerked him off with one hand while holding my wine glass with the other and watching Congo. I feel like this was a preview to my married life...
I jus want to remember tomorrow how proud I was tonight for wearing my rainbow leggings as a long sleeved shrug I feel like fucking MacGuyver
Apparently I was directing traffic outside of Keeneland. Apparently I'm not a police officer. Who knew....
I'm writing to thank you for your never ending commitment to my orgasms and also to apologize if any physical harm was done due to your impressive efforts. Hopefully the sex and post sex pizza made up for it.
That portable toilet under the bed? Turns out it was a tuba. Explains alot.
Mandatory face masks - finally, a solution for lip augmentation failures and bad breath.
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