So she said grabbing my cock was like holding a giant crayola from pre-school.
that was the beginning of the end.
seems the shocker is way more shocking if u get the fingers wrong
For using a life jacket as a pillow, I slept pretty good last night...
You may have noticed the broken smoke detector and melted carpet. We may have accidentally lit a ping pong ball on fire...I'm sorry, but we did our best.
It was the worst sex ever. All she did was tap on my balls with her hands like she was in a reggae band.
So you think it's my fault? I didn't give you the 10 shots you took nor make you eat the brownies we made... btw, i found your engagement ring, it was in the last brownie you wouldn't let me have while dragging me to my room.
She just tricked me into telling her the balance of my 401k... She's like a gold digging jedi mind trick ninja
I'd rather blow Nickelback than be told he gave me gonorrhea. I'd even post it on Facebook for all of the world to like, share, and judge me.
how do you always get into these "we banged the same dude now lets be friends" situations???
With great liquor, comes great irresponsibility. Remind me of this night tomorrow.
Hey! Happy Birthday! Could you do me a favor and bring my underwear to the bar?
I JUST AGREED TO GO TO A CHILD'S BIRTHDAY PARTY AT A PLACE CALLED PUZZLE'S FUN DOME WHY DO I HATE MYSELF
Gary just stuck his dick in his Guinness. I can't even make this up
Checked my bank account this morning...apparently I went to 7-11 at 4am and spent $22 on taquitos. New all time low for me.
I ate all of them. New all time low for ME.
I woke up next to him with nothing on and my thong around his neck. I just put my clothes on and left, but he still has my thong.
Randomize
