At the hair cuttery. A father here with his daughter just answered his phone "ken's whorehouse"...Now I remember why I used to pay more for haircuts.
How does she give head with a nose like that? It looks like she has a plantain stuck in the middle of her face.
My nipple ring got caught on the rug again. Tequila makes me unlearn these things
The doctor told me if I woke up with a broken foot and don't know how it happened, I might want to look into getting treatment.
OH MY GOD I JUST WANT TO GO HOME AND FART ALL NIGHT.
Also, yes, I look pretty rough. But my ovaries fought back this morning so getting dressed decently was not a priority.
Cocaine can totally be concealed as MAC finishing powder. Drug dealer creds just went up 120 percent
I saw a classic trojan enz laying on his desk. So he's probably not into the kinky shit.
all I've ever wanted was a guy with twelve cats who will tie me up in bed
Everybody posting sickening holiday couple pics and I'm over here deepthroating a bottle of whiskey.
I took a dab in Denver and was I. Rocky Mountain national park almost to Wyoming before I realized I missed my turn.
Wait, there's no way I said I would suck his dick. I know drunk Katie.
No, you told him to suck YOUR dick.
See now that sounds like drunk Katie.
snapping my married booty call and next thing I know a plan b ad pops up
My thoughts mid terrible hookup: do people normally read a magazine right about now?
I totally fucked your pastor last night.
You're his wife.
Still a dirty get down.
Randomize
