not my fault. i got her to believe he wrote an oasis song. he still managed to find a way to make sure no girl ever gets near his penis.
Drinking bud light and eating rice cakes...this is the closest to getting in shape for spring break as its going to get.
I hated hipsters before it was mainstream.
I was just counting ceiling tiles when he ate me out, it was that bad.
Ok that kid was ether gay or 12 with a beard.
When I say I took advantage of you when you were drunk, I mean that I convinced you to let me paint cute little panda bears on all of your toenails.
4 girls from the bar, me, strip basketball. here. NOW
after giving head I just always feel like I need like. ice cream. as both a means of getting the lingering sperm out of my mouth, and a congratulations.
Just had to kick my 26 yr old boyfriend out of my bed before getting the kids up for school. Have I mentioned being 41 doesn't suck as much as all the hype.
I arrived home at 7am wearing nothing but my underwear and a fedora. I ate half a dozen deviled eggs. Put Katy Perry on repeat. And cried myself to sleep. We cannot go out on Thursday anymore
i knew it was love when she pulled a beer out from between her boobs and offered it to me
how do i act around someone who's shoes i puked in while naked and blackout?
That awkward moment when you realize that last night you walked from in n out to petco, bought a mouse for $3, named it mogar, taught it how to skateboard on a techdeck, made it a home out of a trash can, fed it fruity pebbles and cheese, and then forgot where you left it.
My vagina is very pro this idea
It's weird having sex with someone you actually like
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