were not allowed back there because i puked on the waitresses foot while trying to order another round. for myself.
it was a mass text i'm sorry
do you usually send 'hey sexy' as a mass text?
i was so high last night that i actually googled "how to get un high"
if you ask that question again our friendship is over
if i died would you start the facebook group?
I wish that vaginas would just grow when you're ready for sex. Like when you dont need your vagina its not there, but when you need it...BAM its there. then no one would see it when you get drunk
yeah...or you could just stop doing cartwheels in skirts
NBC reported that a group almost has enough signatures to submit pole dancing as an Olympic sport in 2016...
God I fucking love America.
who knew that a girl that let me piss on her within 20 minutes of meeting her would get upset i couldn't remember her name.
You wouldn't let me clean the puke off your face because I'd mess up your cat whiskers. Now that's dedication.
Not sure if it is a new high or new low, but i left a basket on the porch of the sorority I woke up at. It had a description of the Minnie Mouse I woke up next to, and Plan B.
We finally have the house to ourselves and your out playing Lance Fucking Armstrong
Your heart is a swirling cauldron of blackness that does not pump blood but rather a sludgey mixture of evil and broken dreams.
Dan I was a mess I made out with a 40 yr old who gave me a wad of cash for Christmas. Like wtf
Apparently it's illegal to hit pedestrians with coke cans... But the cop complimented my arm. That's a win in my book.
Taylor Swift needs more songs about threesomes. I'm not sure she gets me anymore.
I'll just give him your contact info, and you'll somehow manage to get laid. Which will make me feel like your vagina's agent or something.
Randomize
