i killed an earwig and left its corpse on the wall as a warning
Sitting in the library lobby in the middle of exam week. Drunk. Dressed as santas slutty helper. Waiting for the student shuttle service. People are clapping for me as they walk by. Tell me how this isnt college
I'm sorry but all I really read was "my nipples will get hard."
She said her first boyfreind was so small she is still technically a virgin.
dunno man, last I saw him he bet me he could eat more ranch the me, then ran off
I am solely responsible for the birth of their child. I mean, I did push them into the room and hold the door shut yelling "punch that kitty!". It has to be a sign.
She wanted to to do it on top of a horse, I can't compete with that
You're gonna judge me.
Howd you sleep with him already
I just wanna go somewhere and not be judged for wearing spandex shorts that make my ass look like a slice of fucking heaven. Is that so much to ask??
I felt guilty, it was so good!
Guilty? Oh great, I give the Jewish mother-in-law of blowjobs.
just imagine me sitting naked on a toilet with a fully-clothed dude i havent seen in 2 years, trying to make normal conversation except that im covered in blood and he's helping wipe me down while i try not to pass out because blood makes me NERVOUS. And he's apologizing and i'm apologizing.
Apparently my thong was thrown in the cornfield last night. No one will tell me why.
I wonder what dick looks like without astigmatism?
He brought me flowers and then spanked me with a Doctor Who paddle. Pretty good night, as these things go.
Awwwwwww!
Btw I appreciate you as a friend for taking the time to validate my sluttiness
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