I would like to remind you that Mike's hard lemonade only goes good with an extra light cigarette and seminal fluid.
stuffed animals make me feel really maternal.
no, literally. he fb chatted me and said "since you're online i figured we could bang tonight?"
How much time is enough between masturbating and watching little bear?
I blacked out, started puking and peed on the guy I was hooking up with. Mid hand job.
How old are you? 14? Who gives hand jobs anymore?
Salt in an open wound right now.
I was so drunk. I apparently did a flip over the balcony using it as monkey bars. Ya I hurt a bit today
Remind me again why sleeping with a coworker and his wife would be a terrible idea.
Just made a PowerPoint called "Reasons Why You Should Fuck Me" at his request. The sad thing is we've had sex before...
That was awkward , having sex with her while her husband watched via Skype. I'm a porn star or a target. Idk
I don't think meeting his drug dealers counts as a relationship landmark.
Can you get winded from lip syncing? I don't know how Britney does it
I don't just want drugs. I deserve drugs.
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
He's really cute...He stopped talking to me because i pulled my skirt up and peed in a demi plie position...
You like that 95% of the time I masterbate I think bout you?
Just wanna know what I can I do to earn the other 5%
Randomize
