I'm not to broken up about it. Our relationship was worse than a coldplay song.
True story: Just left my solo cup on a cop car. Yesss
They are baked and once again have spent the last 45 mins talking about opening up a world wide business called "pickle on a stick"
It could have went better. They kicked us out of the casino and I drunkenly whipped her across the face with a fishing pole. Long story.
he walked down the highway for 3 miles at 4 am, and got me coffee on the way. i dont think a blow job would have been enough.
I was trying to sing daddy wasnt there from austin powers but apparently I was crying and and yelling jibberish...I get to into this shit
I made this pact with my vagina, though. No more heartless fuckery.
Jasmine is diving into bushes again.
You really could become the cat lady we've always dreamed of.
The worst part about being a grammar Nazi is all the porn I skip over because the titles are misspelled
I hurt myself, but I'm pretty sure I saved the carpet.
Preface: Im drunk. But i think id make a good assasin. That is all.
It was hands down the most magical fuck I've ever had
It was the only fuck you've ever had..
My mom heard me having sex with my boyfriend but thought it was the neighbors. She commented on how quick it was. I just nodded and changed the subject
Dad is wasting no time getting back out there. Just walked in on him and a Twin Peaks waitress in the hot tub
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