Everytime she would start slurring, she'd stop, hold up a finger, wait like 30 seconds, then try again. I love drunk people
As gay men are we obligated to learn the Single Ladies dance.
just got dressed up for chatroulette- THAT desperate.
Just because we buy weed together doesn't mean were a couple
I'm paying a homeless guy $20 to follow me around bars tonight with a boombox playing the theme to Rocky.
Disasters an understatement. Hurricane alpha chi omega hit. On my way to buy carpet cleaner, super glue, and a new liver. Be back soon.
I saw him and didn't have sex with him. Responsibility five!
Walking my dog and eating a taco in last night's dress.. Classy
Can I just lay in bed and you pour vodka through a funnel in my mouth?
Dude I asked him to get me beef jerky at 4 am and he actually walked to CVS to get it. CVS closes at 12 but it was the perfect opp to dip out
I'd love you more if you were covered in hot cheetos
I almost accidentally threw him out a window during sex last night.
i woke up on the third floor, naked in a closet.
Do you think it's my receding hair line that makes all the milfs attracted to me??
I now have scissors specifically made for cutting dicks off.
Randomize
