it's like sucking your thumb. only its not yours. and its a penis.
i could't wear that belt anymore, it was gonna make me keep shitting for the rest of the night
he just payed for our date, after telling him I was leaving early to meet my fuck buddy. is there something lower than friendzone I can stick this guy in?
He told me his penis would be a "Sad Panda" if I didn't give it a ride through the jungle.
I feel like a squirrel prepping for the winter on dollar beer nights.
Should we pre-order food to the ER for cinco de mayo?
There are at least 3.6 billion human cocks in this world. Get some. Get as many as humanly possible. Literally. Do it. 1-2-3 go!
I was the only one at the party that didn't get their name taken by the police. I'm convinced that I'm the main character of Ferris Bueller's Drunken Adventures.
Dude, for twins they have shockingly different blowjob styles.
STOP FUCKING MY SISTERS!!!!
EMERGENCY FRIEND CRISIS: WE HAVE TOO MUCH WHISKEY. ABORT HANGING OUT WITH MELISSA, RECOMMEND TO HANG OUT WITH OUR WHISKEY INSTEAD
He was lasting forever and I couldn't take it so I faked an asthma attack
Still drunk on my morning "run" which has turned into a walk. Just burped fireball
IF YOU DIE ON LSD YOU DIE FOR REAL
Hey the moment you step into my house, find me IMMEDIATELY so we can pinky promise on not roping anyone at the party into yet another threesome
I just bought spray paint, a T-shirt, and a box of magnum condoms. The cashier refused to make eye contact! Haha
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