I think I tried picking up these girls last night by asking them what their favorite color was...I obviously woke up alone
She told me a very interesting story, complete with pantomimes, about how she got a habanero seed in her vag
just balanced a champagne glass on my gut. thanks to beer im a living breathing tempur-pedic mattress.
I think I just puked all over my comforter and my roomdmate won't wakt up to washc it for me
Hate the very realistic pregnancy dreams. Like my dream when I birthed the pirate ships. SO REAL...
Drunk me thought he was hot enough to overlook the fact that he had poison ivy and still have sex with him. Sober me wants to know if you have any calamine lotion.
The nurse who handed me my discharge papers underlined and highlighted do not consume alcohol while on my painkiller its like she knows me.
i think dick pics are a sign of a sexual renaissance
Denis dont give a fuck, Denis drinks out of straws. Denis disregards the fire station & bought 18 fire hoses so he can fight it himself if the farmhouse is on fire.
"You can go raw dog up in me". Exact words. I can't decide whether to run, or fuck. Help.
When Pony by ginuwine plays I pretty much just grind on the nearest penis.
Happiness is having a 12 hour day thinking that there are only 2 beers in the fridge when you get home, but then finding 8. Fuck you Monday, this week I won.
I want to be a supportive friend to her, but I also want to sleep with her ex now that he's single.
It's probably not a good thing when it isn't even 6:30 and I've already drank an entire bottle of wine. By myself. I'm watching Spice World and I just bought 2 Spice Girls albums off itunes.
Make that 3 Spice Girls albums.
Do dollar stores sell vibrators?
Randomize
