i just spent an hour trying to convince my blind date that star wars is better than star trek. help me
Coffee flavored vodka sounded like such a good idea at the time. Now i never want to drink coffee again.
If my bosses could see, smell or hear me right now they would understand why its a horrible idea to keep the office open sundays
The dentist told me I have super glue on my teeth. I'm not blaming you I just want to know how that happened
No, "because my penis told me to" is not an acceptable answer to that question
Come over. Drunk tacos.
That isn't even a sentence.
I kept the important parts.
After you vomited on the patrol car, you thanked the officer for helping you up off the ground. I don't think you realized you were being arrested.
Dude. 21 days till I'm 21. It's the 21 day countdown. The 25 days of Christmas can suck my dick.
Why is my drynk life bleeding into my real life
Lesson of the night: never take shots out of a bottle you found under a couch in a frat house. I have no idea where I am
I feel like I got run over by a bus full of inebriated Scotsmen on the way to a soccer riot.
He used the panoramic camera on his iPhone to take a picture of his dick. And it actually filled it. Pretty sure I just came.
After we had sex he began to tell me the craziest places he's had sex. He told me KFC bathroom so I rolled over and went to sleep.
I just hooked up with a one legged Australian guy. Hooray diversity!
Drunk me really needs to stop 1. telling every attractive dude in a relationship that monogamy isn't real 2. Proposing threesomes with them and their girlfriends
Randomize
