I love how girls just decide that guys who don't like them must be gay
I do the same thing. If a girl doesn't like me...I am like, "i must be gay"
Just heard this lady walk by on her phone saying "did everyone orgasm?"
Dude, smoked out of a pumpkin tonight. I like Halloween more now
My professors need to stop cancelling class. Bad things happen when I have too much free time on my hands. Bad things.
Although, to be fair, I am both willing and going to lick marshmallow fluff off of your dick.
We lost Kevin again. Probably kidnapped by fattie 2 or butter-face 2 from last night. We need names and any information you can give us. Last scene with his shoe laces converted into a belt.
just let her blow you already, it's practically animal cruelty at this point.
Haha, you avoided her at all costs. And then she shoved her tits in your face
She tried to beat the waitress over the head with a bread stick because one of her martini olives was missing a pimento. All while screaming "IT'S GAMEDAY BITCH"
Olive Garden will never be the same.
Doap. Just bring some lube and a slingshot. Not sure y we need the slingshot.
Come over. We're getting stoned and watching DogTV
Eating power bars and masterbating... That's kinda my life right now. Is this what having a boyfriend means?
Why I hate online dating: not even one day in and a 57 year old asks me to call him "Daddy."
It's okay that we broke up and all but it's not okay that he still has my Chick-fil-A calendar card. This month is free fries!
You left me a really long voicemail saying, "Hey, it's meeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee." and then the rest is just loud laughter
Randomize
