At barnes & noble, drinking beer out of thermoses, lookin legit.
Also, new rule: You are no longer allowed to send me a text with the word "dildo" in it before 10am.
I had no where to run... The dumpster sounded like a good idea at the time
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
There are at least 3.6 billion human cocks in this world. Get some. Get as many as humanly possible. Literally. Do it. 1-2-3 go!
Tried to dry my shoes in the oven last night.
Made fish tank punch. It's like trash can punch but in a fish tank. Also, my dad saw a picture I uploaded on Facebook and called me a pussy for only making 10 gallons.
I think I died last night. I had 14 beers..well 13 1/2 if you count the one that got spilled on the baby in the elevator.
You crawled through a doggy door 5 times for a shot if cheap vodka.
He came over drunk in a speedo i told him he has my vote he said who are you voting for when i said obama he took off running and shouting i was worthless like an empty beer can
See what happens when I don't get laid? I make poor life decisions, like buying baby ducks.
I mean obviously I like your dick... Jury is still out on you but your dick is good
It's acceptable to bring him back to my parents house and fuck on the couch right??
You can't honestly expect me to maintain an erection when you have the Glen Beck show on
so horny i almost want to text him..and then i remember the restraining order i have against him
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