I woke up with ten beers in my bag that hoarded at the party last night. Rally? Its five somewhere.
just got a rotting pancake and bacon in the mail from your address....
What the hell did I do to get youtube to recommend a video for me called "how to increase your chances of getting pregnant"?
are you aware you chucked your pizza at a girl's face after the bar last night?
this is a reminder to untag myself in the picture of me flashing the photographer in the morning.
remind to leave next time the words "tequila" and "challenge" are shouted
Haha, I gave you the rest of the cash I had on me and you bought 3 shots for yourself and beer for everybody except me FUCKFACE.
Apparently "dick me" was not the response he was looking for.
Batchelotette party success. I woke up on the floor in nothing but a thong, a garter and a shirt that says Just Do Me.
steve's beating me 4-2 in our "sexually confusing straight people" competition. steve is a wizard. this is not a drill.
I just fell out of my doorway to go to class so if that doesn't describe how my night went idk what will
Remember that guy I fucked last month? Well I'm watching his dog this weekend while he's in the Bahamas with his girlfriend. What is my life
Its okay I found my bra. ...it was on your cat. I wont ask questions.
I don't have a cat..?
He just got out of surgery, almost died from shooting him self with an arrow.
There are leaves in my underwear?
Randomize