So it's 11:24am. I've had sex twice and been laid 3 times. I love holidays!
I understand the whole sex thing but did you really get laid or is that synonymous for more alcohol?????
Honestly.
Don't say a word.
So my shaver died while I was trimming...ya know. And now it is half way done. I don't think there's currently any aesthetic in keeping it this way...
I just saw a man salute the budweiser truck on the highway. I want to follow him and shake his hand.
Why do i always get involved with 3 women at once?
Because life brings drama and thus like moths to a flame, women
...and all my boxers are outside in the snow because????
Someone better explain the burnt stove marks on my bed.
In college, I had one standard. Penis. A lot has changed since then. Now I really only have one standard. Breathing.
Dropping the entire last roll of TP into the toilet is a hurt you don't want to know.
We got Pizza Hut & Papa Johns, delivered within seconds of each other, and both delivery people did a shot. I was put on Earth for this moment.
I put tequila in my salad dressing yesterday. Step the fuck up.
I only wore my thong with cheeseburgers on it because I thought we'd have sex. So I basically wasted my best thong for nothing.
you know your booty call is really trying when he offers to pay the toll for the bridge you have to cross to get to his house
I was at his place until 2am. We just sat really close an stared at each other. I think you are right. Germans must not have feelings. Not even tingly ones in their pants.
How's work going?
Boring. I have a cat on a leash right now
It's officially "let him eat me out in a sundress with no panties" season. Needless to say the first date was a success.
Randomize
