On a scale of affliction to ed hardy, how douchy is in there right now?
so i woke up on my toliet naked backwards. good night.
I hope my margaritas pass through security.
He thanked me for being "his little blond pogo stick last night". Good thing?
Too late, the blunt's already in my cleavage
we kept pushing you at the prospective students saying go for it, itll make them want to come here
you kept yelling THIS ONES FOR THE ADMISSIONS OFFICE and then youd go in for the kill
they wouldn't let me take the pitcher of beer on the ferris wheel
My phone saved "first signs of pregnancy" as a most visited search.
why is my underwear the only thing i was wearing that smells like vodka?
i just wanna get shit faced and pass out in some random holly bush with a bucket on my head and stockings for shoes.
We realized tonight that we have to get advice about guys from you because you're our only straight male friend that neither of us has slept with.
Guess I'll put him on my to-do list too. But closer to the bottom since we dated before. That's almost unethical.
I need you to know that everytime my toddler does the downward facing dog in the nude I think about the night you and your dude fell in love.
That awful moment when there is no more beer and you find yourself considering tequila and aloe juice.
I was just asked by a police officer to not come back to Lancaster...
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