i'm so high i feel like the people i'm chatting with online can some how see that i'm naked.
They have to be talking about me. I never heard that statement until I was born.
haha my mom just sent us out to go to all of the hair cutting places to ask for hair because deer ate all our zuchini.. and we have to pee in a bucket all day cause deer hate urine. please tell me we are normal?
i cant lie to you.
He left the bathroom door open so i would hear him masturbate in the shower to make me feel guilty for not putting out but it just turned me on cause i like guys masturbating. weird?
Seriously though, we're going to drink and watch Survivor first one to puke gets voted off the island
From the trajectory of the puke, I must have fallen off the top bunk while trying to vomit, due to the dented bucket, ruined carpet, and bruised dignity I now own.
I looked at you and you stared at me dead in the eyes then sprayed febreze at your crotch and winked.
I like to keep a steady black out going for the holidays. I feel it makes me less cynical
Finished watching the entire first season of mighty morphing power rangers. Now I have nothing. Not even a life.
Oh man I'm using the bubble wrap that wraped my new vibrator to wrap my dads fathers day gift
Here's my first problem: I'm drunk
Look at you go. You're like the Slutty Librarian that Could. They should write children's books about you. Children's books for adults.
Whiskey dick is like insurance for making bad decisions
This is a mass text. I will facerape you if you bring me Fierce Melon Gatorade and 4 D batteries.
I just figured out the time exactly by how many shots and beers that I've had since this morning. I either have a terrible problem, or a great solution.
Randomize
