is it wrong that i woudl like to tie u down to the baby changing station using the straps provided?
at a bar with my ex girlfriend.. both men AND WOMEN are hitting on her.. and not one has even looked at me
jacking off on stolen wireless... gotta enjoy the small things in life
I'm too drunk to be surrounded by this many indians
How do you manage to be drunk and a racial minority so often?
please promise me that no matter what happens you will keep me away from the children
My adult sexuality and some of the best memories of my childhood collided like a Pee Wee Herman wet dream.
Elaborate
Strip Mario-Kart
i have officially banned the recreational use of bayonets.
That man gives me hope. I can't help it. And by "hope" I mean "wood."
I have vodka and a slip n slide so of you could come over that would be great
This mustache is awesome. I can't pass by a mirror without looking in it and thinking damn, I'd like to give that guy a handy.
The fact that I can sew my leggings while intoxicated proves I'm a functioning alcoholic
Well I'm sorry I assumed you were a human and that humans have the capability to forget sometimes.
Despite how often it occurs, I have absolutely no interest in having sex with myself
He ate me out for an eternity. Like fell asleep, woke up, and he was still doing it.
I’ll always remember that day you sent me that random nude on accident lmao changed my life
Randomize