you know you are hungover when... you set your alarm for the next time you think you are going to throw up
I don't know what's more sad: The fact that he fingered the side of my leg, or the fact that the side of my leg feels like a vagina.
My morning has consisted of lying in a fetal position, eating a whole tub of ben and jerry's, talking to my cat, and setting all of our pictures on fire. Does that answer your question?
he tried to convince me he was a seal.. sound effects included. and then asked me to 'be his lady seal'.
I lost my grandmas ring. Probably during the handjob.
We literally played a game called pass the child which consisted of us shitfaced tossing the 5 year old birthday boy at each other
We're doing kegstands for my 80th Bday, so don't lose that muscle tone.
1 be hot 2 flirt with everyone 3 use hotness to make people do things for you. It's a simple model.
By the end of the night I was using him as a leg rest and he was handing me pizza rolls when I wiggled my hand. It's a proven method.
He just took a bite of each taco bell burrito and hid them throughout my apartment. this was 2 weeks ago and have found 30 burritos so far
Pretty sure the shower sex fucked up my hip alignment... im walking like im 104 today
I woke up in a trash can. Please dude. I don't know what I did to you last night, but I'm sorry. Epically sorry. Please call me back. Please.
I feel like if anyone knew what an affection erection looked like it would be you
That's the only way to get approved without a guarantor.
WHAT DOES THAT MEAN WHAT FUCKING LANGUAGE ARE YOU SPEAKING
I just fucked her in the corner of an ally while holding a large pizza waiting on a pledge for a ride.
Who knew a blowjob could cause this kind of crazy
He wasn't prepared for it
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