I'd like to say he was whispering sweet nothings into my ear all night but really he was just whispering "pussyyy"
i just sent him like 8 different sexts and he texted me back about how good the hummus is that i left in his fridge.
There are fucking limits. Jerking another guy off in the bar toes the line.
Sad Megan is Sad
Have you been drinking my beer?
probably one of the worst weekends ever... i got peed on by his sleepwalking roommate.
Thank you contacting dial-a-boner. Currently, our boner is on a run to service another client. You can either wait 2 hours for service, or share concurrent service with the current client.
I DID MY EXPERIMENTING. FOUR YEARS OF IT. IN HIGH SCHOOL.
In Punta Cana for my bachelor trip, hopefully tomorrow my passport is blacklisted
What am I supposed to say? "Hey remember last spring when I did an ergonomic assessment on your office, well here's an ergo for your dick."
Speaking of which.. there's underwear in my backseat and Arby's cheese sauce on my door handle. So much for my new Volvo bringing out my classy side.
At the light, his mom pulled up next to us while I was giving him road head. He forgot to tell me she was meeting us at the movie. So long story short, I convinced her I drove myself, pick me up in 20.
We decided it was a good idea to go streaking through the campus. Everything was fine until the sprinklers turned on and we realized the keys were in his pocket.
I am in the parking lot of CVS in Auburn. I think a truck full of Plan B and regret just arrived.
I'm totes in the mood to go home and like blindly inhale dangerous amounts of porn
How do I tell my boss I have slutty fantasies about him, me and his conference room table?
Randomize
