he found my favorite bra, 3 thongs and a pair of jeans and gave them back. i love move out day.
I never once brought up his unibrow when he was insulting me. That's class.
Your ass just called me, someone was yelling "awful waffle" and also, " I don't know who's hands are who's anymore"
my boss made my mugshot into an 'employee of the month' poster.
Jerry just sent me this: IOR GHIT ALL THE BUTTIB. Go get him. Now.
Your philanthropic work just got me laid, thanks dad for naming me #2.
I'm sneaking you alcohol into a hospital. This either says love or "we have a problem"
We used a lit joint as a candle for her birthday cake
I always hoped that one day I'd have a sex position named in my honor.
I know more about this girls vagina than I know about her personality
I'm going to bed early so football can come sooner
I'm sorry I called your mother a reasonably-priced receptacle.
She's so high she just screamed into the pile of takeout boxes "which one of you gave me diarrhea"
My mom found me this morning passed out, face down on my dinning room floor
That must have been one awkward situation haha
Well I woke up in my bed.... I don't remember her finding me
After the "sex" was over I dressed as quickly as possible. And then he came over to me stark naked and embraced me. For over a minute. And all I could think was please get your penis off my dress.
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