Saw a pregnant woman get a lap dance last night. I love the south.
Picking up third year law school girls is like MILF hunting for beginners
I wonder if I could sublet my bathtub to anyone.
Game over. He has a paternity test request on his table.
the back of my hand read, "say no to drugs." my palm read, "say yes to shots." when the fuck did I write that?
I ate cinnamon toast crunch. I'm officially out of the puke zone. Blackout drunk Friday. WHAT IS GOOD.
I wanna introduce you to my balls, Thunder and Lightning.
I don't know what it was about last night, but every bar that i went to there was at least one girl there that i had done something with. I'm sure the girl that i went with knew because they all grabbed my penis and told me to call them.
Text me back. Urgent. It is a porta Keep the portal alive.
Is this the acid talking?
I got frustrated so I just stood up and said take me to bed or lose me forever and banged the first guy who responded show me the way home. Thank you Top Gun.
I feel like I'm pretty optimistic for a girl that might be pregnant.
Beer and xanax may be a bad combo, but I don't really care due to the beer and the xanax.
Lol it's kinda hilarious. I left missing one glass... guage. I feel like Cinderella... but less classy.
We could have fun in a cardboard box. Think of the damage we could do at an amusement park!
These freshmen are fun! The redhead wants to practice her blowjob skills with me and let me rate different moves!
Randomize
