ready 4 sex 2nite?
wow. woo me matt, woo me.
well if you came here i would keep you awake :*
did you just kiss me??? ... dude, im not gay
The only coherent words in the 6 texts i recieved were don't, cute, fucking, beer, and lions
Yes, that was ME getting carried out of the club singing 'i believe i can fly'
I had to jump out of her car while it was moving enough said
Your little brother is asking me for an "expert opinion" on his dick size.
The weed is temporarily burning the grammar section of my brain library.
This is what you sent me from the other side of the pool, "Idk but thers a pool n l wanna get naked take off my trunks ill paddle with my dick"
Zach, it's Lisa from work. Was that you yeiling BALLS DEEP at me on I-25 or is it just something about me that invites that from rando creeps?
So I've been in more fights on one leg than I've had on two.
i want to platonically make out with them, platonically. in the back of this minivan
I'm like 89% sure I could get him to buy me a car in exchange for a half-assed handy.
Shooting a bottle rocket from my penis was entirely justified. Twenty bucks is twenty buck no matter how you look at it
The police report said i was screaming at someone that wasnt there, then the cops told me to call someone sober and i called mike to tell him "They are trying to arrest me for stealing information from the FBI" at that point they took me to jail.
oh, he’s out of jail btw. as of about 6pm. one of his customers bonded him out apparently lol
Like he really got a coke fiend to bond him out?
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