I'm in a strip club that reminds me of a crack house from the 80's.
i found her turbo button.....if you know what i mean.
The only thing better than Call of Duty is getting jerked off while playing Call of Duty.
shes perfect for him. shes never seen a penis so she has nothing to compare his to.
1. my parents still have sex. 2. being a screamer runs in the family. 3. so much so that i can tell what number of orgasms she's on. 4.so looks like i'm stuck outside a while
He texted back and said he would hook up if he didn't have a test at 8am. It's really hard to be annoyed by how good of a student he is.
Yeah that sucks. That's why I stick to deadbeat sports management majors.
WHY does every guy I sleep with want to fix my car?!
After we had sex he made me watch a Top Gun highlight video...
So yeah, don't be alarmed when you come home after work to find me eating cookie dough out of a margarita glass with a knife and watching The Little Mermaid. It's been one of those days.
I've been watching porn with my cat lately. No shame
man sorry about that. It's like god was willing me to be an asshole. I haven't filled my quota for the day
I wanted to write an apology letter to my vagina after that.
Fun FACT Saturday: Semen is great for my acid reflux
you put your keys in the fridge so you wouldn't forget your yoohoo
I just woke and had to fish my phone out of a bowl of chili. I was wrist deep in it. WHO BROUGHT CHILI TO A PARTY?!
its not chili. and you brought it.
Randomize
