My key broke off while I was turning the key. I can't pull the broken key out. Not only am i locked outside, so is the rest of the building.
I'm pouring my heart out in these texts and you're going around showing everyone???
Can we just schedule bi-weekly fucks and bypass all the bullshit?
the only time i'm productive on weed is when i drink.
My dad told me my only assignment from now til graduation is to not die. it's a legit concern for him.
apparently "preggers as fuck" isn't an appropriate way to describe someone...
How do you feel about fucking me quick and then me leaving to go do arts and crafts?
I can now tell my grandchildren Central Park has really great spots for quickies...
Dude that girl I hooked up with Tuesday is in lecture. I told her I was from the Dominican visiting my cousin and was leaving the next day. Hiding under my hood and hangover.
I'm glad I get the same reaction from you for cookies and for my naked body
You have my approval. I will dance and throw skittles at your funeral.
Just had a horrible realization. I've fucked a guy with a webbed foot AND a guy with a third nipple.
Ew. After that you just pretty much proved that your vagina is the reason why my vagina needs two toilet seat covers when peeing in public restrooms
I crawled out his bedroom window, forgetting he lives in a split level and there is a 10 foot drop back there. I had to text him to come help me I twisted my ankle.
I swear to god, my hangover cure is a green tea and a 15 minute twerkout. works every time
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