No. I broke it. Note to self, never take a shower with your phone in your pocket.
I think my vagina is haunted
just had a dream there were parent teacher conferences in college...scariest dream ever.
cutting back on calories before spring break by only taking shots instead of drinking actual drinks.
the diet of an alcoholic...
His facebook status was woke up with a whale ..... Captain AHAB IS BACK !!!!!
I should have but it might be too early in this fuckbuddyship to emasculate him
I don't really know I'm just giving her a key to get back in and the "don't get pregnant speech" and leaving it at that.
Two penises later: I might be straighter than I think.
We knew it was a good time to leave when you spilt the salsa on the ground and were trying to put it back in the jar with your hands
Maybe I'm just didn't notice and imagined a different penis as a Freudian coping mechanism?
Woke up in a pile of people on the floor. His dad was already up and ask me to help him cook bacon because "7 lbs can be a mother fucker"
I either need to get adopted or have someone's baby, but I'm joining that family
I want to name my colorful bowl Batman. Why? I still have yet to figure it out. But I'm calling it Batman.
New strategy for telling if someone is drunk: will they attempt to drink a candle if you put a straw in it?
So, I just found out Ireland, is #1 in binge drinking. I know its Sunday but this one is for America.
I brought my porn computer to class by accident
How much porn do you watch if you need a special computer?
Randomize
