You're never going to guess who I just worked out next to..
Who?
Chris brown
No way... I bet he was intense
Are you kidding? He was prob training for round two
I'm sorry that you just had your first misguided homo experience
i made sure i dropped the whole "im a yoga teacher" bomb which basically roofies a guys sense of judgement and guarantees he will sleep with me.
Come help me clean. I know we won't be getting our security deposit back...but I would like to move out with our dignity.
I just bared my soul to you and you fell asleep. Or you're fucking your boyfriend. Either way, not cool. fuck.
just to let you know its hard to talk to your father while being fingered up against a car..
So the doctor told me that I am starting to showing the early signs of liver cirrhosis. Thank you Jack Daniels for making the first 26 years of my life awesome.
The only thing I remember is vomiting and then feeding my dog a Mcdonalds cheeseburger and telling him yolo
I barely remember the girls that I got pregnant, you think I'm gunna remember the ones that played handball
In order to see him, he made me facetime with his penis, which he had drawn a smile face on. Getting laid shouldn't be this difficult.
I can't wait for you to tell me about your sex.
It's a short, short story.
So i had a feeling this dude with one leg in a wheelchair was following me around Walmart turns out I was right. He just asked for a picture of my feet.
i mean i let him but still...
Getting free blow from a total stranger, who asked permission to stroke my eyebrows, was the highlight of my evening out. Also, I have a new cuddle dealer.
The fact that we all screamed by Felicia to a bitch actually named Felicia will be a highlight of my life
I just woke up on the floor with an empty handle in one hand and a piece of my ceiling in the other. #classy
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